[anggap] impas

When words can illustrate your thoughts

 I Am Not Yours 

I am not yours, not lost in you,

Not lost, although I long  to be

Lost as a candle lit at noon,

Lost as a snowflake in the sea

You love me, and I find you still

A spirit beautiful and bright,

Yet I am I, who long to be

Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love - put out

My sense, leave me deaf and blind,

Swept by the tempest of your love,

A tapper in a rushing wind (Sara Teasdale)

Book Challenge

    Book challenge, yeah i'm the one who addict with book. I wasted my spare time to read (sometimes if i'm not mager huhuhu). Hmmm, let me tell you one of amazing book:  EVERYDAY by DAVID LEVITHAN

i borrowed from my friend, thank a lot to allysia tifany (i spell not in right way *faktor sengaja). Before i tell you the review from myself, i give you the synopsis :

 "Every day a different body. Every day a different life. Every day in love with the same girl.

    There’s never any warning about where it will be or who it will be. A has made peace with that, even established guidelines by which to live: Never get too attached. Avoid being noticed. Do not interfere.

      It’s all fine until the morning that A wakes up in the body of Justin and meets Justin’s girlfriend, Rhiannon. From that moment, the rules by which A has been living no longer apply. Because finally A has found someone he wants to be with—day in, day out, day after day.

      With his new novel, David Levithan has pushed himself to new creative heights. He has written a captivating story that will fascinate readers as they begin to comprehend the complexities of life and love in A’s world, as A and Rhiannon seek to discover if you can truly love someone who is destined to change every day."

    Yeah, after you read what's going on your mind? how if you in his position, you wake up in the morning with different soul, different life, different house, poor you there's no way to came back home because you will never had home either for glance or eternity. That's the fact......

hmm, how if david levithan make the story that "He wake up next morning in MADONNA'S Life?" *lol

This is my first time i read david levithan and i want it more!!! YEAAAA how amazing this book. If i can rate i will give 9/10.  This stories so touching, surprising, hypnotized, emotional, sad, terrifying, romantic, strange, and beautiful  at all. I was amazed for the idea of the stories by making real the very unreal thought of waking up as a different person every day,  yeah i still thinking for awhile because I wasn't sure how i felt about the stories ,but WOW. He made the stories that you never get bored and you will always surprise in every part of the book.  

I never thought that I'll end up reading "Everyday" only 6 hours ( P.S. i only lay-down for 6 hours and eating too WQ) , Maybe I'm just not a very experienced reader but i want to explore more david levithan books, hmmmm if you so curious with this book, just read this and you will get (maybe, bear in your mind that everyone can give the review with their own opinions) . Yeah only that for Book's challenge. Maybe soon i will post more wonderful book that i read.

Blessed everyone, xx 

Terlalu banyak pertimbangan

Mungkin saya yang harus bertanya pada diri saya sendiri "siapakah saya?" "Apakah tujuan hidup saya?". Dan sudah seharusnya juga saya yang mencari jawaban dari setiap pertanyaan itu. Namun bagaimana dengan kenyataan nya?, mengapa saya masih membutuhkan bantuan orang lain untuk menjawab dan mengapa saya membiarkan orang lain yang mencarikan jawaban atas pertanyaan itu?.  Sebenarnya siapa saya? Dan apa tujuan saya?.

Katanya setiap pertanyaaan memiliki jawaban, apakah pertanyaan mengenai kehidupan dan jati diri juga memiliki jawaban yang bernilai suatu kepastian untuk kedepannya? Ataukah saya membiarkan orang lain mengatur saya sesuka hatinya yang katanya demi "kebaikan", apakah waktu saja yang mampu menjawab? atau perlukah saya membaca berbagai buku-buku kehidupan. Sejujurnya saya capek dengan kata "menunggu", siapa sih yang mau menunggu yang tak pasti? .Tidak bisakah aku seperti burung di awan yang mengepakkan sayap sebebas-bebasnya tanpa perlu takut akan jatuh atau di makan oleh pemangsanya?. Jika dikaji dengan logika itu gila, mana ada manusia yang terlahir di dunia ini ingin terbang bebas tanpa takut akan jatuh dan terpuruk suatu saat nanti, jika kelak ada yang berbicara seperti itu maka dia pantas dikatakan "munafik".

Banyak hal di kehidupan ku yang tidak aku mengerti. Sejujurnya aku pernah mengalami berbagai masalah, kelabilan anak remaja dan sebagaiannya. Bukan kah hal-hal itu menjadikan ku lebih dewasa?.

Namun dari segala perenungan saya, mengapa saya belum menemukan jawaban dari setiap pertanyaan kehidupan dan jatidiri. Saya melakukan kesalahan besar dalam hidup saya. Saya tidak mampu mempertahankan apa merupakan "passion" yaitu sosial politik. Sebenarnya saya bisa melawan, tapi kenapa otak saya malah mentoleransi pilihan papa saya. Sejujurnya sampe detik ini saya tidak mengetahui hal apa yang harus saya toleransi, saya rasakan menggunakan perasaan dan saya tolak dengan tegas. Bagi saya semua itu masuk dalam "greyzone" atau tidak jelas. Kedengarannya konyol memang, saya bagaikan seorang manusia yang tidak memiliki nalar maupun perasaan sebagai mahluk hidup yang berderajat tinggi di mata Tuhan.

Suatu kesalahan besar dan bodoh sebenarnya, sekarang saya masih duduk merenung tidak tahu harus memulai dari mana untuk bisa mendalami "passion" saya. Dikala orang tua saya menanyakan ingin melanjutkan kemana, saya malah memiliki 1000x pertimbangan konyol, awalnya ingin begini namun malah takut begitu dan berakhir dengan kata "TIDAK JADI".  Kalau sekarang saya mengelak dan melakukan perlawanan, hanya akan ada 2 hal: 1. Apakah ayah saya akan mengerti? atau  2. Saya akan di berikan ceramah 24/7 tanpa henti karena kehebatan saya yang ingin lintas jurusan secara mendadak!. Ya begitulah saya, dengan kelabilan saya, saya melakukan sebuah kesalahan besar dalam menentukan masa depan, konyol memang. Disaat semuanya sudah dapat menentukan apa yang mereka inginkan, saya masih bingung dan malah terjebak dalam kesalahan pemilihan. HAH! jika boleh saya ingin memiliki kesempatan kedua, ya kesempatan kedua hanya untuk memperbaiki sesuatu yang menurut saya pada akhirnya memiliki makna untuk "diperjuangkan".   

question for me . I found this and i answered in random way

Your Cell Phone? My old Blackberry 9900 and iPhone 5s

Your Hair? black but i don't think so my hair so black lol , well i can't say that my hair is straight because apparently it's not  straight. My hair depend on my mood so random -_-

Your Favorite Food? Seafood but i have allergic with that :(

Your Dream Last Night? Nothing, stop dreaming start action (maybe?)
It's weird

Your Favorite Drink? Teh kotak i'm so addicted 'till now, i must get therapy for that

Your Dream/Goal? First practice, than defend. At last boast it!

What Room Are You In now? in my lovely dying bed room

Your Hobby?  Sleep (it can be hobby?) hey everyone just love to sleep, ya that's my hobby :)

Your Fear? Ghost :) people are usually afraid of animals but i'm not really afraid of animals

Where Do You See Yourself In Six Years? in 6 years i would be around 23 years old! wooow that is old. Cool! I must getting married on that age

Where Were You Last Night? home .... studying for ujian nasional :)

Something That You Aren't?
Liar and hypocrite

Cupcakes? i afraid of eating red velvet cupcakes from online bakery Damn!

Wish List Item?

-i can pass for Ujian Nasional and SNMPTN or SBMPTN in faculty of medicine in Universitas Padjajaran Bandung 

-a pair of new shoes

-a whole bucket of nutella

-have a great 2014

Where Did You Grow Up? Bali Bali and Bali 

Last Thing You Did? Nothing just sleep yeah that's my hobby lol

What Are You Wearing? Pajamas

Your TV? What? So many politics issues headline in my TV

Your Pets? Nope

Friends? can't live without them !!! they're all just like my second family

Your Life? many weird , random, happy, some liar behind us, sad and other things have been happening. that's just life right?

Your Mood? Unpredictable

Missing Someone? not just someone , but a lot of people.

Vehicle? i can drive but my dad not sure if i bring his car ughhhh

Something You Aren't Wearing? Boys's clothes

Your Favorite Store? don't have a FAVORITE one because i LOVE them all

Your Favorite Color? Blue

When Was The Last Time You Laughed? Important to know this? :)

Last Time You Cried? Last week i have cried about my mark :"(

Your Best Friend? So many.....

One Place You Go To Over And Over Again? my house

Facebook? Still exist, search tita amalinda masta

Favorite Place To Eat? anywhere depend on my mood

Favorite place to visit? Bali :3 

Have a traumatic? Yesh 

life have been wild.crazy.stressed out lately and hard too but that's life, there are happy things happening , there are also weird things happening 

Have a blast Monday

Love 

Tita xx <3